It’s hard to look the same card in the face, day-after-day, and not feel a little…singled out. It feels, childish, of course. It’s just a card after all, you tell yourself, so why does it feel like it won’t leave me alone?

Look, it’s not a particularly new concept: we HEAR what we NEED to hear WHEN we need to hear it. Sometimes, “hearing it” just means being beaten over the head with a message until we accept it. Don’t blame me, I’m not the Three of Swords popping up when you decided to download Tinder for the third time this month after promising yourself you, “would spend some time getting back to your core.” The cards that are meant for us will follow us when the time is right for them to do so.

For me, this card has always been The Queen of Wands. And, when I started reading, I took offense to her. Sure, this lady is warm and cool and collected…but she struck me as a little bit of a know-it-all. I don’t tend to like leaders who know they are good leaders. It isn’t interesting to me when people are aware that they are talented.

After I noticed her popping up all over the place, I didn’t believe this phenomenon could be anything more than an accident. I chalked it up to the cut dimensions of the cards being ever-so-slightly distinct, making some cards a fraction of a millimeter wider, and thus making them easier to pull. Even between two different decks. Even somehow convincing myself that three decks later, the measurement disparity was some sort of conspiracy. It didn’t take long for me to realize, however, that I could shuffle and cut the deck in a dozen different ways, controlling for physics, and the messages would still be there…even if the deck needed to use other cards to get me to the same conclusion. There is no escaping it…and I had to start asking myself why I wanted to escape my reading in the first place.

…Did I really get into tarot only to reject the divine messages coming my way?

The reason so many of us find our way to divination tools is because they offer us answers that we can’t find elsewhere. Some of us have too many options, and we hate making decisions for ourselves. Others don’t trust that any action we take will be the correct one. Whatever your reason is for choosing to invest the time and energy in this practice, channel it before you draw. Each and every time. Accept the guidance you are being given, and find ways to apply it, or take a break from asking for the guidance to begin with! A break isn’t a bad thing…but going into a tarot reading with conditions for accepting the outcome…that’s a bad thing.

Over time, The Queen of Wands had helped me realize what I need to conquer about myself. My own appetite for excellence, being great in the eyes of others, succeeding; these are the things I have allowed to compel me throughout my life. She was sent to me as a totem to recognize that what I resent in other people is what I display myself. She helped me realize how to empathize with them and accept what I shouldn’t be judging, while also deciding what elements of my own inspiration I find acceptable, and what needs to change. It’s taken a lot of time for me to sit with that and to alter my leadership style accordingly.

As a sidebar, please also remember that the cards we see in our readings aren’t the only elements of importance. Just as impactful as the cards that we see every day or every few readings, are those cards that really just don’t seem too interested in us. The cards that evade us at every turn. These cards can help remind us what messages we DON’T need (often because we have moved past previous crises or have done the shadow work that helped us grow and evolve). Don’t you think that a reminder of all the hurdles you have overcome, and a vantage point on your own growth is a valuable reflection point?

I haven’t seen The Star in a reading for myself in months. I pulled it for a client the other day and had to remind myself of its meanings because it had just been so long since I had to think about it. But that makes sense…my life is in a pretty happy spot, to be honest. I’m not seeking out new inspiration and sources of hope…I’m feeling grounded and connected to the earth. It would be a bit of an energetic waste to remind me what I realize every day: The world is a massive and gorgeous pool of inspiration and opportunity. I’m lucky enough that my worldview has incorporated that truth into my default understanding. So I let The Star spend her energy helping a new batch of graduates realize their potential. I let her remind my friends of the raw potential that accompanies a job transition. I’m going to hang out with The Queen of Wands to remind me that, on occasion, it’s okay to look around and realize that it’s okay to know I’ve got a grip on it all.